Mokomoko Plus Miko
by Miss Kagura
Summary: Humor! Sesshoumaru's fluff has a mind of its own and an agenda that involves causing as much grief to his sons as possible. Death to Miroku? NOM NOM Naraku? Bad Mokomoko!
1. Midnight Molestation

**

* * *

**

**Mokomoko Plus Miko**  
_By Miss Kagura  
_Chapter One – Midnight Molestation

* * *

Sesshoumaru awoke with a start, and mildly but silently cursed at whatever small creature awoke him. Before he nodded back to sleep, he took a quick look at his camp to ensure everything was exactly as it was supposed to be. Jaken was sleeping with his back against a tree, but Rin was draped over his lap, as if she was placed there or lay there on purpose.

Rin knew better.

There was something missing, and Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes angrily at Mokomoko. The miserable thing was a piece of and a gift from his 'beloved' father, and carried some of his father's more irritating traits. At times, it did assist him in battle, but privately, it often attempted to spank or choke him when he did things his father would not have liked.

The worst example of this happened the night Inuyasha cut Sesshoumaru's arm off. While he was resting, and trying to recover from dismemberment, Mokomoko gagged him when he complained to himself about his brother. Sesshoumaru ended up having an argument with his own Mokomoko, and Mokomoko won on the merit of being able to poke the bleeding wound.

Sesshoumaru sighed and stood up.

_Damn it all to hell._

Unfortunately, like his father, Mokomoko frequently snuck away from camp at night to molest human girls. Part of Sesshoumaru's low opinion of humanity came from how wanton the girls were in the presence of his prized fluff. Eventually, Mokomoko was going to stray and Sesshoumaru wasn't going to retrieve it, but he wasn't ready to let it go quite yet.

He trained his nose to the nearest human female, and sighed.

_Not her. Please not her. _

It was moderately embarrassing to extract Mokomoko from strange human women, and he wouldn't dare say he wasn't mortified when he extracted it from a brothel. Sesshoumaru just hoped that Mokomoko didn't touch his brother's miko, because he actually saw her from time to time, and it would be so damaging to his pride.

Sesshoumaru didn't even want to know what Inuyasha would do if his Mokomoko touched the priestess.

Was it really too much to ask the demon-possessed furball not to molest any females that he knew? She was a miko, which added a degree of wrong that was amusing in a bitter, sad way.

Sesshoumaru sped up to a sprint when he heard a scream, and within a minute, he arrived at the edge of a little pond, where Kagome stood on a rock, with a peculiar looking large cloth wrapped around her torso. She was staring at the water, eyebrows scrunched up in fear and determination.

Kagome sensed Sesshoumaru and her head shot up as a wall of rage hit him. "Sesshoumaru, what the hell is wrong with you? Your...thing...just...ewww!" She shuddered visibly and growled at him. "Of all the disgusting things, are you serious? You sent your...thing...fluffy...to attack me while I bathed?"

"It was not attacking you," he said.

Unready to believe him, Kagome put her hands on her hips and said, "Yeah? Then what was it trying to do, coming after me under the water while I'm naked and...touching me right there..."

Her mouth shut, her eyes shut, and her cheeks turned so red Sesshoumaru believed he was about to witness a rare miko form transformation. But, it turned out that she was just really embarrassed.

Kagome timidly asked, "You don't-"

"Absolutely not. It came here on its own," he answered.

Sesshoumaru saw a ripple in the water, and summoned Mokomoko out of it. It emerged wet and reluctantly. A clawed hand wrapped around it with enough force that Mokomoko would have been suffocated if it required breath.

When it fell limp and lifeless on the ground, Kagome leaned over and asked, "What possesses it?"

Sesshoumaru answered by tapping the hilt of Tenseiga.

"Your father?" Kagome said.

Mokomoko rose slightly on one end, bent as it the tip were the head of a slithering snake, and nodded.

Kagome's mood transformed to pure rage, and before Sesshoumaru could even interpret it, she swatted Mokomoko.

"You're a grown man. You should have more damn sense than to slither off in the middle of the night and scare girls, you know! Not only are you grown, you have grown sons that have better manners than you. Sesshoumaru is the rudest person I've ever met in my entire life, and somehow, he knows not to try and molest me. He obviously did not learn the one or two manners he actually has from you! Shame on you!" she yelled as she continued swatting Mokomoko.

Nothing in all of his eight hundred years of life brought Sesshoumaru more pleasure than watching the miko discipline the spirit of the most powerful demon of all time. He chuckled silently and darkly as Kagome continued ranting, and then stomped off into the woods.

Mokomoko slithered behind Sesshoumaru's legs in defeat, almost begging the taiyoukai to pick it up.

Sesshoumaru grinned evilly. "I should leave you with her."

He was about to pick up the offending ball of wet fur when Kagome stomped back into the clearing, looking even angrier than before.

Kagome put one hand on her hip and used the other to point at Mokomoko, which laid down flat on the ground. "And another thing! I'm tired of being dragged all over Japan for your little object lessons. I don't care if you want to waste Sesshoumaru's time, because honestly, I think he needs a hobby, but the next time I have to travel cross-country so Inuyasha can talk to someone and learn a lesson, I'm going to come back and purify you!"

Mokomoko attempted to escape, but Sesshoumaru stepped on it and held it in place. There was no way that he was going to let Mokomoko get out of this. Kagome was ballsy, something he learned the first time he met her, but this experience was exquisite.

"Sit!" Kagome commanded.

"I am missing tests, and movies, and friends, because of you! Just tell them how to use their swords and stop being a moron! And don't ever, ever come near me again, Pervert!" she added.

The miko disappeared into the trees again, this time for the last time, and Mokomoko wrapped around Sesshoumaru's leg for safety.

Sesshoumaru sighed at the wet object that was soaking the left side of his hakama and slowly walked back to camp.

"I think, Father, that I may share your fondness for humans after all."


	2. Eyeball Torture

**

* * *

**

**Mokomoko Plus Miko**  
_By Miss Kagura  
_Chapter Two – Eyeball Torture

* * *

Mokomoko wrapped around Sesshoumaru's torso and applied pressure, giving the annoyed taiyoukai what it felt was a much needed but seriously unwanted hug. Sesshoumaru did, after all, save it from the infuriated miko and her almighty wrath.

"Stop," Sesshoumaru ordered.

The possessed fur simply hugged him tighter, sweeping affectionately across one cheek in apology.

He wrapped his claws around it, and disentangled it from his body to push it over his shoulder, where it belonged. Mokomoko unfurled and extended completely, and Sesshoumaru cursed under his breath as he realized he dragged it through the muddy puddle he just passed.

"Why must you be so difficult?" he asked as he changed direction and walked to a nearby pond. "You are like a small child. A small, perverted child. Damn you."

When he arrived at the riverbank, he found Kagome standing there, holding a piece of paper. She waved when he approached, and Sesshoumaru felt very strange. Why was it that Mokomoko happened to misbehave in a way that ended in meeting the miko again?

"Miko," he coolly regarded as he prepared to submerge the cursed fur.

Kagome blushed when she saw Mokomoko and said, "I got your note to meet you here. It surprised me."

Sesshoumaru sighed and once again choked Mokomoko, this time shaking it for emphasis. "What note?"

She held out a piece of paper with sloppy, nearly ineligible handwriting. It read, "Kagome, please meet me by the pond. You are so hot. Much hotter than any youkai female. I want you. Sesshoumaru."

Kagome thought out loud, "I was surprised. I would have expected really nice handwriting from you, but you're really sloppy, Sesshoumaru. And...kind of a perv?"

Sesshoumaru continued choking Mokomoko and answered, "My handwriting is immaculate. That nonsense appears to have been by my stupid and useless-"

Two ends of Mokomoko shot up and poked him in the eyes, and then wrapped around his legs to pull him down into the mud. Kagome watched in amusement as the fur Sesshoumaru stroked so often dirtied and humiliated him.

"Your family is so weird, Sesshoumaru," she said. "I mean, I thought when we all had a battle in your father's belly that we had reached to limit of weirdness. This, this is so far beyond what should even be allowed. I'm not even surprised you're so screwed up anymore."

Mokomoko squirmed around in Sesshoumaru's armor while the taiyoukai reached for it frantically. His eyes were very sensitive though, which Mokomoko knew well, so he was nearly blindly grasping for the appendage while blinking. His chest plate fell to the ground, and Sesshoumaru growled. Mokomoko slithered away, farther up the bank, and Sesshoumaru stood, eyes opening and closing quickly.

Kagome saw that his left eye was turning very red, and asked, "Do you have something in your eye? I can get for you, if you want."

Sesshoumaru begrudgingly agreed and knelt so Kagome could look down into his eye. She approached him, and stood very close to him so she could see the tiny white piece of fur in his left eye. With extreme care, she managed to pinch the tip of the hair that poked up from his eyeball, and was about to pull it out when Mokomoko suddenly wrapped around both of them, pressing their bodies together.

Kagome's finger stabbed into his eye when she was pushed forward, and Sesshoumaru let out a distinctly canine whine.

Sesshoumaru groaned and let his head rest against her shoulder. "Mokomoko, you will release us."

Mokomoko simply pulled them closer together, and held another flower up between them.

"I think your Mokomoko is trying to hook us up," Kagome nervously said. "Can you please make it stop? I can't move right now and you're...touching me."

A low growl reverberated from his chest. "I am equally displeased with this touching you speak of."

Kagome felt fur wrap around her hand, and pull it forward. "Umm...stop? What's the big idea?"

Sesshoumaru gasped when Mokomoko brought her hand to his crotch. The generally neglected cock of the taiyoukai hardened embarrassingly, and as soon as Kagome's realized what she was touching, she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Mokomoko let go of her hand, but kept them pressed together, so she could feel the bulge against her body.

"This is so inappropriate," she whispered in horror.

Sesshoumaru nodded as he tried his best to look away from the miko. As soon as he wrenched his hand free, he took Mokomoko and pulled on it, until it released them.

The taiyoukai disappeared without a word to her, although she could hear him murmuring threats and curses at Mokomoko.


	3. Mokomoko Wants

**

* * *

**

**Mokomoko Plus Miko**  
_By Miss Kagura  
_Chapter Three – Mokomoko Wants

* * *

Kagome bent over and stared down at Mokomoko, wondering whether or not it was dead. It made a very poor choice and now lay twitching on the ground because Sango did not take kindly to its soft caress of her backside.

The demon slayer turned the second she felt something touch her ass, took her Hiraikotsu, and slammed it into fluff as it hung from a nearby tree. Mokomoko fell lifelessly from the tree after it was struck half a dozen times with Sango's weapon, and remained still.

"Mokomoko? Are you okay?" Kagome asked.

One end twitched in reply and Sango slammed her Hiraikotsu down on it once more.

"Hentai!" she shrieked.

Mokomoko learned a valuable lesson. The females that travel with Inuyasha were mean and abusive. Instead of surrendering to the pleasurable kink of being touched by an experienced, well-meaning Mokomoko, they would rather abuse and yell at it.

They were *perfect* for his sons.

All it had to do in order to make the demon slayer receptive to Inuyasha was take the monk out of the picture, so Mokomoko decided it would practice making itself into a noose when it was alone again. It experimented with choking frequently, but never being a proper noose. Possibly, Mokomoko decided, it would swing down from above and snap the monk's neck, to prevent him from sucking it into oblivion.

Mokomoko finally rose up from the ground like a snake, slithered to Miroku, and swept across his neck in a throat-slashing motion to communicate its intentions.

"I think it wants to kill me," Miroku said.

Kagome swatted the fur. "Mokomoko! Be nice!"

Inuyasha unsheathed Tessaiga and used the untransformed version to pick up Mokomoko, like a child with a stick and a snake. "What the fuck is going on here? I thought he just carried this because he's...you know. Not into girls."

Mokomoko responded by wrapping around Inuyasha's shoulders. Once again, Mokomoko's embrace was rejected, although this time, much more harshly. Inuyasha grabbed it and swung it like a baseball bat right into the nearest tree.

Once again, the fur became still, and Kagome tried to explain to Inuyasha why he shouldn't hurt Mokomoko, but the hanyou was gravely confused. Inuyasha thought Mokomoko hugged him because it was a part of Sesshoumaru, and he always assumed Sesshoumaru was into men. He thought he was the one being molested.

Kagome picked up the fur, which seemed to be either unconscious or dead at that point. "No, don't worry, it's definitely only interested in sexually harassing women. Sesshoumaru will come get this. I think. Hopefully. We shouldn't just leave it here though, there's a whole village nearby."

After they had been traveling for awhile, they came to a small canyon, and naturally, Shippou flew across on his own, Inuyasha ran and jumped across the canyon, and the others rode Kirara.

When they were over the deepest part of the canyon, Mokomoko shoved Miroku right off of Kirara's back and sent him plummeting into the canyon.

Miroku was caught by Sesshoumaru, who was searching for his Mokomoko when a monk seemingly fell from the sky.

Sesshoumaru put the monk down on the ground and when Kirara landed on the ground, Sango threw her arms around the monk, thankful he was okay.

This was the complete opposite of Mokomoko's intentions, and the fluff refused to let them have a bonding moment. What it wanted was for the monk to be splattered on the rocks, but for now, a minor disruption of their tender moment would do.

Mokomoko doubled over and slammed right into Miroku's crotch, knocking the monk onto the ground, where he groaned and held himself, whining in pain.

"Why, Mokomoko?" Miroku cried out. "What have I done to wrong you?!"

Sesshoumaru sighed and picked up Mokomoko, adjusting it on his shoulder, where it was safe from the females, and Miroku was safe from it. He had his own abuse to hand out to Mokomoko, because he spent the last ten hours climbing out from under a rockslide that he knew Mokomoko started.

The fur had become increasingly disobedient almost evil in its mischief lately.

Trying to kill the monk was new, however. The only person Mokomoko actually tried to murder was Sesshoumaru's mother, and it attempted this each and every time he visited her, no matter how many warnings Sesshoumaru issued. There was such bad blood between them that Sesshoumaru could envision his mother leaving something behind when she died just so both of his parents could continue to try and murder each other.

Mokomoko vs. Mokomoko? Sesshoumaru shuddered at the thought.

Sesshoumaru heard a short scream, and before he could respond, he smelled Kagome. A piece of pink fabric was dangled above his nose by Mokomoko, and judging from the scent, it was definitely an undergarment.

Kagome screamed at the top of her lungs, grabbed Mokomoko by fisting her hands in the fur, and screeched, "I need a minute with Mokomoko!" Then, she took two steps back snatched her panties off the ground, and pointed at Miroku, "Not a word, Miroku. Not a word!"

The monk, who was still writhing on the ground, didn't even hear her.

Sesshoumaru followed, although he wasn't sure if he was doing so to save Mokomoko from purification or to enjoy watching her do it. "Miko, do you intend to destroy Mokomoko?"

"It doesn't' get it. It doesn't get anything. You're you and I'm me, and that doesn't work," she said.

The taiyoukai shrugged. "Correct. What is that noise?"

The strange metallic rattled seemed to be coming from Mokomoko, and just as they realized it, they heard Inuyasha start cursing at the top of his lungs.

"Sesshoumaru, you bastard! Where's my Tessaiga?" he shouted.

Mokomoko rose up, holding Tessaiga, which transformed. Their father was, after all, the original wielder of the weapon. The fact that it had not been used before was simply Mokomoko's choice.

Sesshoumaru growled when the other end of Mokomoko threw Bakusaiga halfway across the canyon and pulled them into another forced embrace.

Kagome sighed and said, "This isn't creepy at all."

Amber eyes narrowed so far they nearly closed, and Sesshoumaru whispered, "The first chance you get, kill it."

Mokomoko spoke then, through Tessaiga. The voice was deep and booming, and Sesshoumaru recognized it well.

"MOKOMOKO WANTS GRANDPUPS! GIVE MOKOMOKO GRANDPUPS! THAT ONE IS SO HOT, PUP HER ALREADY, WHELP."

The tip of Tessaiga turned toward Inuyasha, and the hanyou had an idea. He held the sheath up and recalled Tessaiga. Mokomoko did not release its grip, so Tessaiga flew across the canyon, with Sesshoumaru and Kagome in tow. Kagome screamed and wrapped herself around Sesshoumaru, displeased with their method of transportation.

Out of respect for her frail body and the fact that it was his Mokomoko that put them in the situation, he reached out to hold her so she didn't come into direct contact with the ground.

When they landed, Kagome's legs were wrapped around him, and his hands were on her backside, under her skirt, were there were no longer panties.

It was _instinct_ and Sesshoumaru didn't even realize he did it at first. But when he thought back, yes, he did. He squeezed those tight little cheeks, and she shrieked at the top of her lungs, nearly deafening him.

Sesshoumaru's nose twitched.

She liked that.


	4. Sugar0os

**

* * *

**

**Mokomoko Plus Miko**  
_By Miss Kagura  
_Chapter Four – Sugar0os

* * *

_Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to Sugar0o._

Sesshoumaru eyed the trunk with a deep frown.

His mother died a month previous, and when an entire lunar cycle passed, this peculiar object was delivered to him. He wasn't even aware she was dead until the arrival of this...gift? One like it was delivered to him many years ago, so he knew what was inside. All he could do was stare at it in horror and wonder what would happen if he _never_ opened it.

Would it starve?

Sesshoumaru still honestly didn't know what Mokomoko was. If it had normal bodily functions like eating, he was not aware of them. All he did know was that all the choking in the world wouldn't kill Mokomoko, because he tried that, repeatedly.

On that subject, he glanced at his shoulder. It had been gone since he woke up an hour earlier, which was probably a good thing, considering the contents of the trunk.

Sesshoumaru circled the trunk, wondering how long it would take him to fly it to the middle of the ocean and dump it, and if he would receive bad karma for that. Not that he was worried about his karma, because he already knew he was fucked for the next life, but there was just something about throwing the remnant of his mother into the sea that seemed wrong.

He opened the trunk with one foot, and a ball of fur uncoiled and wrapped around him in embrace.

His eyes widened in horror. "No..."

"You insufferable old bitch," he growled, only to feel unnecessary tightening of Mokomama's 'embrace.' She was crushing him for being disrespectful, because this was how his mother showed her love, and why he was such a messed up person.

Sesshoumaru was thankful that Mokomoko was once again absent, but he couldn't let it run amok forever. Now, it would sneak away to molest human women and Mokomama would kill them. It would be just like when he lived at home.

He sighed and started to walk to the place he knew he would find Mokomoko.

XXX

Kagome took a box of Sugar0os from her backpack and poured little bowls for everyone. They received some milk as a gift from a farmer up the road a bit, so they were eager to use it before it spoiled. Halfway through the meal, Miroku awoke and excused himself, walking quietly into the bushes to relieve himself.

Miroku pulled up his robes, and was standing there taking a piss when Mokomoko sprung up from the ground. The monk screamed like a little girl, well aware of the intentions Mokomoko made clear. Why the possessed ball of fur wanted him dead was unknown, but Miroku had been having nightmares about the ball of fluff for almost two weeks.

His fears were confirmed when he saw the butcher's cleaver wrapped at the end of Mokomoko.

"No Mokomoko!" he shouted as he ran back toward the rest of the group.

Kagome and Sango were standing with their hands on their hips when Mokomoko slithered into camp, giant knife in tow. It knew immediately that it was in big trouble, so it placed the knife on the ground at Kagome's feet and embraced her legs a little, like a pup crawling on its belly.

Kagome knelt down and gave Mokomoko a spank. "Bad dog! Bad! Bad! Bad! We don't kill Miroku! Go apologize!"

Mokomoko slithered over to Miroku, and the monk cautiously bent down to rub it on the head. "There, there, Mokomoko. I'm sure this has all been a big misunderstanding."

The tip of Mokomoko bent, and it shook it's 'head.'

"It's not a misunderstanding?" Miroku innocently asked. "You want to kill me?"

Mokomoko replied with a nod, and then returned to Kagome's feet.

Miroku sighed and sat down. "Inuyasha, perhaps if it had your sword, it can tell us why it is attempting to end my life."

Inuyasha scoffed and said, "If I give it my sword, it won't say shit. It'll just kill you."

All eyes were on Mokomoko as it slithered to the box of Sugar0os. The box tipped over when Mokomoko forced the tip of itself into the box.

Munching and crunching sounds were heard.

"Oh my god...is it...eating?" Sango asked in horror.

Somehow, the idea that Mokomoko ate food made it even more wrong. To Kagome, this meant that somewhere under all that fur, there was a mouth, or a beak, or some sort of organ that was currently being used to eat all of the Sugar0os. The other side of Mokomoko wagged like a tail as it devoured everything in the box, withdrawing only when everything, including the plastic inner bag, had been eaten.

Mokomoko then went around camp, because it could smell more of the delectable treat. He ate everyone else's Sugar0os while they watched in disgust. The tip of Mokomoko was soaked in milk and a little pink from the pink cereal, which grossed Kagome out when it stood up to brush against her cheek in appreciation.

"Mokomoko certainly loves Sugar0os," Kagome said.

Now that she knew it had a mouth, Kagome could not help herself. She held Mokomoko steady with one hand and started to push the fur away from the end.

She had to know.

Kagome combed enough hair back to reveal two soulless black eyes that stared back at her in apparent adoration. She was hypnotized by the creepiness of it, and helpless to stop. Beneath the eyes, there was a tiny little nose, not entirely unlike a rabbit's, and beneath that, a tiny little mouth that also looked like a rabbits, with long front teeth.

When it blinked, the spell was broken and she screamed, "IT HAS EYES!"

Sesshoumaru stormed into the clearing just as she said that, and snatched Mokomoko. The others noticed the presence of Mokomama, but Sesshoumaru tried to pretend everything was perfectly normal. Mokomoko was slung over his free shoulder with a brief warning growl that was completely ignored.

Mokomoko draped down to the ground, and picked up the butcher's knife. It swung at Mokomama, who dodged it at the last moment. The cleaver sliced into Sesshoumaru's shoulder loudly, and the taiyoukai stood there, staring forward as blood ran down his haori.

"Mother, Father, that is it. I am done now," Sesshoumaru said as he shrugged his shoulders and sent the battling furs to the ground.

The two balls of fur paid him no heed as they went to battle each other. Sesshoumaru sat down on the ground, and stared at them, never bothering to remove the cleaver from his shoulder.

Kagome got her medical kit out and approached him from behind. "Let me take care of that."

She didn't even know if he was listening to her, but she assumed it was okay, and swept his hair over his other shoulder to keep it from getting any blood in it. "Everything is okay, Sesshoumaru. Everyone's parents fight."

Sesshoumaru put his palm on his forehead and answered, "Everyone's parents fight _when they are alive_. This is ludicrous."

When she looked over his shoulder, Mokomoko and Mokomama were standing, poised to strike. Mokomoko struck Mokomama like a snake, and it dodged it again, ducking low to wrap around Mokomoko and squeeze.

"Don't worry, Sesshoumaru, I'm sure they'll get tired of fighting," Kagome said, rubbing the uninjured shoulder for comfort.

The others were watching in amusement, and Miroku was taking bets. For his own sake, Miroku hoped Mokomama won so that he would continue to live. While only a ball of fur, Mokomoko was a frightening, disturbing enemy. He was convinced that it was stalking him, waiting for the perfect moment to end his life. He had frequent nightmares about being held captive and tortured by Mokomoko.

Kagome sighed when she pulled the knife out of his shoulder. "I need you to take your haori off. Or, at least lower it so I can clean that."

Sesshoumaru somehow managed to make his haori fall down from under his armor, so she could see his well-muscled body right under the armor. He was just as delicious without clothes she decided, and while she dressed the wound, the taiyoukai's nose twitched again.

The Mokos started biting each other, and soon, little bloody spots could be seen on both as they dueled like big, furry snakes.

Kagome reached into her backpack for two bowls and a box of Chocolate Sugar0os. "I think I know how to make them stop."

She poured two heaping bowls of the cereal and then whistled. "Look, Mokomoko! Sugar0os!"

Mokomoko slithered away from the battle with Mokomama hot on his 'heels'. She was still nipping at him, but both forgot about their battle when they arrived at the bowls. Tails wagging, the Mokos consumed the cereal fairly quickly, crunching and munching happily.

When they were done with the cereal, Mokomama gently brushed against Mokomoko, and Mokomoko returned the gesture.

Then, just as Sesshoumaru thought everything was going to be okay, Mokomoko got on top of Mokomama and started humping her. Mokomoko was not a gentle lover either, and it slammed into Mokomama hard and fast right in front of all the horrified observers. The spectators were paralyzed by how disgusting and wrong it was.

Sesshoumaru pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Do not ever feed them Sugar0os again," Sesshoumaru threatened.

Miroku, trying to ease the tension, graciously looked down at Sesshoumaru and said, "Do not be so discouraged, Sesshoumaru-sama. That is, after all, how your life began. This is practically the reenactment of your conception."

Sesshoumaru stood up, glanced at the humping Mokos, and started walking in the opposite direction. They could be someone else's problem, but first, he had to find the trunk. It was time for someone else to receive a gift of Mokos, and he knew just the person.


	5. Better Than Abu Dhabi

**

* * *

**

**Mokomoko Plus Miko**  
_By Miss Kagura  
_Chapter Five – Better Than Abu Dhabi

* * *

"Hold it!!!"

It was a strategy Sesshoumaru took from a book Kagome gave to Rin. He had no fondness of cats, but the grossly obese orange one had a certain wit about him, even if he only used it to make his own pointless lifestyle easier. How Garfield dealt with Nermal was quite wise, and while Sesshoumaru had never heard of Abu Dhabi, he could send the Mokos away.

Well, the plan would have worked if they could get the Mokos into the trunk at the same time. In theory, it was a good idea, but wrestling two very long, furry creatures that can bend in any direction at any time into a small enchanted trunk was almost impossible.

They climbed trees, swam in a pond, slithered down rows of a farmer's field, and now, a hanyou with twigs and mud in his hair was sitting upside down, head on the ground, arms crossed. Mokomoko, the spirit of his father, pushed him off of a cliff, and Mokomama, his evil stepmother incarnate, or furcarnate, as Kagome said, dragged him through a swamp where he eventually ended up like this.

"Let's just kill these fuckers," he grumbled.

Up on the cliff side, Mokomoko was stalking Miroku from the trees. He wanted the monk out of the picture, but had decided that killing him might not be efficient. Thanks to that damned sword he left Sesshoumaru, he would probably have to do it twice. Not efficient. Still, the monk needed to be gone. There was more than one way to skin a cat though, and after warring with the panther tribe, Mokomoko had witnessed all 5,325 ways to do so.

Mokomoko made a mental note to kill some random cats later. It had been awhile, and even in life, he loved chasing them, murdering them, and eating them. Maybe he would find a fat orange one...

Mokomoko decided it would chase Miroku to the nearby village, where a whore waited on the outskirts. She was fertile, and Mokomoko could smell this. Mokomoko knew that it was really only a matter of time before Miroku knocked up a slut, and felt it was simply expediting the process to make a certain Hiraikotsu-wielding female available for mating for Inuyasha.

It was the perfect plan.

"Gotcha!" Kagome screamed as she wrapped her hands around Mokomoko. "Grab the other end!"

Miroku stared at the end on his side and said, "But this end is holding a really big knife!"

"Miroku! This is no time for you to chicken out! I am dirty and tired!" she shrieked.

While the monk hesitated, Mokomoko briefly dropped the knife, picked up a nearby stick and bent Kagome over at the waist.

Kagome gasped and threatened, "You are dead, Mokomoko! DEAD!"

Mokomoko swatted the miko right on the behind three times, and then picked up the knife and began pursuing the monk, who chose flight over the opportunity to watch the perverted furball spank Kagome. It was a difficult decision for the monk to make, but he was certain that even though such an opportunity would never come up again, living was better than bliss and an early death.

While he was running, Inuyasha suddenly crossed his path, with Mokomama wrapped around his throat and Sesshoumaru chasing behind, holding the other end.

"Mother, desist!" Sesshoumaru shouted.

Mokomoko clotheslined Sesshoumaru and Mokomama pushed his back against Inuyasha's, and then wrapped around them so they were back-to-back and unable to move. Mokomama grabbed Sesshoumaru's head, and Mokomoko grabbed Inuyasha's, and the two fluffs clunked them together like a pair of coconuts.

The two brothers slouched over onto the ground unconscious, and Mokomoko took a moment to arrange them in a brotherly embrace.

Well, maybe not brotherly.

Brothers didn't usually cuddle.

It was as funny as hell though.

Kagome sighed and put two bowls on the ground. She poured the Sugar0os into the bowl, and then took the little orange bottle out. The sleeping pills were supposed to help her survive nights spent sleeping on the ground, but after Mokomoko spanked her, she no longer had any mercy. She emptied half the bottle in one bowl, and half in the other, then stirred them to conceal the pills.

"Look, Sugar0os!" she called out.

The Mokos raced to the bowls and consumed everything inside quickly, and then proceeded to their humpfest. Kagome looked away, wondering what it was about Sugar0os that aroused them so. That would remain a mystery, she decided.

Mokomoko was a valiant soldier and humped Mokomama very hard, even after she was asleep, until he rolled over, unconscious. Kagome waited for Miroku to return with the trunk, and carefully placed Mokomama inside. She was going to do the same with Mokomoko, but there was a weird something or another sticking up from his underside, and as she realized what it might be, she screamed yet again.

Sugar0os didn't just make them horny. It was like Viagra to Mokomoko and that was quite disgusting to the conscious members of the Inutachi, who gathered around Mokomoko and argued about who had to pick him up.

Finally, and out of fear for his life, Miroku stuffed the fluff into the trunk, and they took turns wrapping several sets of chains around it.

Sesshoumaru curled around the source of warmth as he began to return to consciousness. He humped once and only once as a familiar and somewhat detestable smell filled his nostrils. He looked down and saw his arm, which Inuyasha severed, which he worked hard to grow back, draped across Inuyasha's belly. It was held by Inuyasha's hand and the hanyou's head rested on his other arm.

The taiyoukai's eyes narrowed, but he was paralyzed by disgust and horror.

One of Inuyasha's hands reached up somewhat blindly to stroke his face, and a woman's name was muttered. His amber eyes crossed as the hanyou's index finger neared his mouth, and Sesshoumaru reacted on instinct.

"YOWWWWWWWWW!" Inuyasha yelped as he leapt up to see blood gushing from his finger. "Why the fuck did you bite me?"

Sesshoumaru stood up, wiped the blood from his lips, and answered, "I do not spoon."

XXXX

Naraku eyed the trunk curiously. An unnamed messenger dropped it on the doorstep of his SUPER SECRET LAIR, and since it arrived, it had rumbled nearly constantly. Sometimes, he could hear random thumps and movement, like fighting, and other times, rhythmic thumping sounds that gradually increased in speed and severity until they stopped completely. Then, in a few moments, the fighting would start again.

He had no clue what was in the trunk, but it did come with a key to unlock the chains and this note.

_Please accept this token of goodwill. -Sesshoumaru_

First of all, Sesshoumaru didn't have goodwill, and if he did, he would destroy it, not send it as a gift to his worst enemy.

Still, the curiosity was killing him. What could the puppy possibly send that would threaten him?

Naraku unlocked the chains and pushed them aside, and they coiled on the floor as the lid of the trunk slowly started to open.

"What the...?" Naraku thought out loud.

One of the mobile furcarnates was carrying around a butcher's cleaver, but did not attack him, so Naraku stood there and watched as they moved about. Non-violent for the moment, he couldn't think of what he should say other than, "What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck! What the fuck is this supposed to mean, Sesshoumaru?" he yelled out the window, as if Sesshoumaru could hear him.

The two furry Mokos rose out of the trunk and slithered around his personal quarters. Mokomama, who now sported a slight bulge in her midsection, was trying to find something to satisfy her craving. She tasted Naraku's bed, the tatami mat on the floor, the desk, the tansu, the wall, the door, and finally, slithered over to Naraku to chomp down on one of his tentacles.

Delicious!

She had to have more...


	6. Humping Lesson

**

* * *

**

**Mokomoko Plus Miko**  
_By Miss Kagura  
_Chapter Six – Humpin Lesson

* * *

With the pesky Mokos out of the way, Sesshoumaru was free to explore what he had discovered somewhat accidentally. Something about him aroused the miko greatly, and without the interference of certain possessed balls of fluff, he felt confident to approach her. He was, after all, no coward. He would lay it all out, because mouthy little girls were all just waiting for a big strong man to come along and put them in their place.

Although he was confident that this was the best strategy, he checked with Inuyasha, since the hanyou knew her best.

"Oh yeah, Kagome just needs some dominant man to come along and tell her how it's supposed to be," Inuyasha said, encouraging behavior that he knew would end badly.

Sesshoumaru, who was generally oblivious to many forms of humor and far too focused to care, nodded. "I knew it the first time I saw her and she yelled at me. She simply needs to be forced to submit."

"Definitely. You know what would help? If you told her that she was your bitch, and you told her exactly what you want," Inuyasha added. "You know what? You could even incorporate some stuff from her time in there. All the girls there love sucking cock. Kagome is just waiting for someone to put the right one there and tell her to suck. Trust me, you can't go wrong."

In retrospect, Sesshoumaru looked back at that conversation and realized that Inuyasha was trying to make an ass out of him. At the time though, it all seemed like such a good idea.

Oh, how he was wrong.

The taiyoukai found her sitting on a log and sat beside her. The big yellow backpack supplied a small wall between them, and before he spoke, he took a moment to appreciate how heavy it actually was compared to the little human girl.

"Miko," he firmly barked.

Kagome looked up and said, "What?"

Sesshoumaru looked her squarely in the eyes and said, "You will spend the winter in the Western Fortress. You will submit to my will and pleasure me with your mouth in the morning and your pussy at night. I will make you feel great pleasure and ensure that your time is well spent."

Sesshoumaru looked to Kagome for a response, but her eyes were so vacant.

There was a grunt and a flash of yellow, and the miko threw all of her strength into walloping Sesshoumaru right in the face with her backpack. "UGGGH! Idiot!"

The stunned taiyoukai fell backward off the log, a single, sad trickle of blood running from his nose.

He lay there for awhile, staring up at the sky, wondering how the situation could possibly become worse. The sun almost blinded him, and when the bright light was blocked, his eyes adjusted to two furry forms hovering over him.

"No..." he groaned.

Mokomama puked something up right at that moment, and right down his throat it went.

Sesshoumaru started to choke, making wheezing and growling sounds that made the rest of the group wonder if he was actually about to cough up a hairball.

Kagome, although infuriated by what he did, rushed to his side. "Omigosh! He's choking! Get him upright, Mokomoko!"

Mokomoko pulled Sesshoumaru up by the arms, although he was confused as to what the miko intended to do. Having no knowledge of the Heimlich Maneuver, it watched carefully as Kagome wrapped her arms around him from behind.

Everyone, including Mokomoko, was completely confused.

"'Gome, why are you humping Sesshoumaru?" Shippou asked as his childhood died before his very eyes.

When Sesshoumaru continued to choke, Kagome started doing it harder, and the lewdness of it only increased.

Mokomoko was highly confused, because in theory, he was supposed to be humping _her_, but he would accept this act. Surely, the whelp and the miko would realize the correct way to hump, and that it should be done at a more appropriate time, like when Sesshoumaru wasn't choking on the only indigestible part of Naraku's body.

Mokomoko sighed and got on top of Mokomama and started thrusting, trying to show them that he, Sesshoumaru, was supposed to hump Kagome, but something was lost in translation.

The Inutachi watched in utter horror at the bi-generational humpfest. Kagome was violating Sesshoumaru while he choked and for some reason, this inspired the Mokos to go at it yet again.

Finally, and with one last hard humping squeeze, the Shikon No Tama was ejected from his throat and bounced across the grass.

Sesshoumaru collapsed to the ground, feeling a little cheap, and a little used. In the past few moments, Kagome had attacked him with her backpack, his mother puked the Shikon No Tama _into his mouth_, and Kagome violated his person in front of the others. To top it all off, the Mokos were now doing what he believed to be a Moko 69. The wrong ends were matched up.

He kicked his mother in the stomach and sent her rolling across the field with a growl.

"Hey! What was that for! She's pregnant, you know!" Kagome yelled. "She could lose her baby, babies...whatever is in there."

Sesshoumaru started walking away, and Kagome chased after him.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"To kick her again, of course," he answered.

Kagome grabbed him by the arm and said, "C'mon, it's late. Let's just all setup camp and get some rest. I'm sure things will be calm in the morning. Besides, looks like your mom ate Naraku, it's not like we have anything to do anyway. What could possibly go wrong in one night?"

Sesshoumaru reluctantly agreed, and after a meal, which, to the Mokos despair, did NOT include Sugar0os or cat (Kagome spanked them for trying to put Kirara on the fire), everyone went to sleep.

XXX

Halfway through the night, Inuyasha opened his eyes because he felt something furry brush over his fingers. He opened his eyes, and saw Mokomoko sticking out of Kagome's backpack. For awhile, he watched while it examined and discarded various items. Mokomoko was incredibly quiet, and Sesshoumaru was so tired from a day of hunting Naraku, disappointment, and choking that he didn't even wake up.

Mokomoko read the writing on a certain item it took out of the backpack and realized it was perfect to occupy its boredom. It slithered over to Sesshoumaru, and tried to use the object, but nothing happened. After a third try, Mokomoko turned to the hanyou, and because Inuyasha was awake, and Inuyasha could appreciate what it was trying to do.

Inuyasha took the permanent marker and took the cap off, and then placed it in Mokomoko's grasp before going back to sleep.

The fluff silently and happily defaced Sesshoumaru, drawing a sloppy but discernable penis on his forehead. It was big too, stretching from temple to temple. A few lighter marks and a few sweeps down near one eyelid gave said cock a nice set of testicles, complete with copious amount of hair.

Then, when his work on Sesshoumaru was finished, he turned to the hanyou, who had fallen asleep. Inuyasha never was the bright one.


	7. Rin Wants

**

* * *

**

**Mokomoko Plus Miko**  
_By Miss Kagura  
_Chapter Seven – Rin Wants

* * *

(Author's Note: Most of this chapter was inspired by Sugar0o! If you want to see illustrations for this fic, go to Dokuga and look for Sugar0o's fanart! I'm putting a link up in my profile!)

Mokomoko watched as Sesshoumaru started to awake. Its grand plan was about to come into fruition, and the monk would be a thing of the past. It snuggled closer to the expectant Mokomama and watched with as much glee as a living furball can have.

Sesshoumaru awoke and immediately noticed a strange, strong smell near his nose. He arched his brows in confusion, and felt a strange sticky stiffness to the skin in places. After he touched the skin, he knew that there was something on his face, which confused him. The smell was also coming from another source nearby.

Sesshoumaru saw the marker nearly tangled in the sleeping monk's fingers, and tilted his head to read the writing.

_Permanent Marker_

Whatever futuristic tool this was, he hated it, and panic filled his heart as he contemplated being marked permanently. Kagome's mirror was oh-so-strategically placed on the ground, but he didn't really need it after he saw the big, black cock on Inuyasha's sleeping face. After he raised the mirror, he broke it against the tree and flared out his aura.

The monk had to die.

In fact, Sesshoumaru knew if he did kill Miroku, everyone would blame Mokomoko anyway. All he had to do was make it look like Mokomoko's work. He turned to Mokomoko, saw the cleaver on the ground, and carefully picked it up.

Sesshoumaru raised it over his head, and was about to do some cleaving on Miroku's skull when a clap of thunder woke everyone up. Eyes opened, and the first thing everyone saw that morning was Sesshoumaru looming over Miroku, about to kill him.

Miroku nervously squeaked, "Was I snoring again?"

Inuyasha ran in between them. "Miroku did not do this! Mokomoko did it! I saw him do it!"

Sesshoumaru scowled at his ignorant brother and said, "And then you went to sleep like the idiot that you are. We have never looked more alike, Little Brother."

The hanyou ran his fingers over the ink on his face and then shrieked. "It's PERMANENT!"

"Shut up! It's not permanent, you doofuses. I'm going back to sleep," Kagome whined as she rolled over in her sleeping bag.

"Then why does it say it is permanent?" Sesshoumaru suspiciously asked.

Kagome sat up, walked over to her bag, and got a clean rag out. Then she soaked it in water, pulled Sesshoumaru down by his haori, and started scrubbing his forehead. Hard. "It's for marking on clothes and paper and not faces. This place is like a frat house with humping and people marking all over each other. All we need is eighty empty beer cans, and some leftover pizza."

She stopped mid-way when Jaken and waddled into the clearing with Rin riding on Ah-Un's back. "We received your instructions to join you, My Lord!"

Rin slid off the dragon and hugged his feet, and then stared up at him in question.

Sesshoumaru slapped his hand over the penis drawn on his forehead and barked, "Take her away, Jaken!"

"What's that on your forehead, Sesshoumaru-sama. Rin wants one too!" Rin happily said.

"Rin does not want one," Sesshoumaru insisted.

Rin put her hands on her hips and said, "Rin does too! Rin wants lots of them! Here and here and here and here and here!" She pointed to various places she wanted a penis, and Sesshoumaru cringed visibly.

Shippou suddenly jumped in front of her and offered her a lollipop. "Hi Rin! Wanna be friends? I found something really neat earlier, do you wanna see it?"

Sesshoumaru picked up Shippou by the hair and growled, "I will **_murder_** you."

The kit fell to the ground and said, "On the second thought, maybe we should stay here. 'Scuse me, I need to go pee now."

Kagome finally threw her arms up in the air, grabbed her backpack and yelled, "I'm going home! See you guys in five hundred years! Or tomorrow!"

XXX

Bath. Shopping. Nap.

Kagome came downstairs in high spirits, thankful to be away from the dog demons, the Mokos, and the rest of the pack. Somewhere, five hundred years in the past, Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru were probably still scrubbing their faces, Miroku was sexually harassing Sango, and Mokomoko was humping somebody.

But she, Higurashi, was free from all that.

On the way to the kitchen, she heard strange sounds coming from her mother's room, and she stopped briefly to make sure her mom was okay.

_"Ohhh, that feels so good!"_

Kagome blushed and smiled, and continued on to the kitchen.

Her mother didn't date much, and she was honestly a very lonely woman sometimes. Kagome just hoped that whoever she was with took good care of her. Someone tall, dark, handsome, and preferably wealthy would be just perfect. After all, her mom put up with a lot, and deserved to be happy.

_Crunch! Crunch! Crunch!_

Kagome looked down at her feet and decided maybe her mom was so distracted she didn't have time to sweet the kitchen. She reached for the broom, and started to sweep up the mess. When she came around the corner though, she saw several mangled boxes of Sugar0os and spilled milk.

"No...this can't be!" she whispered.

Broom in hand, Kagome ran to her mother's room and kicked open the door. "I'll save you, Mama!"

Mrs. Higurashi jerked upright in the bed, pulling the sheets up to cover her breasts. Mokomoko snaked out from under the covers and stared at Kagome in annoyance.

"Mama, you know...you know that's not a person, right?" she asked.

Mrs. Higurashi stared at Mokomoko and nodded. "Well, yes, Dear. It really looks nothing like a person."

Kagome was bewildered, stunned, and mentally damaged.

Mokomoko slithered across the floor, pushed Kagome's limp body out the door, and then closed it again.

It was time for Mokomoko to get busy.


	8. Minimoko Madness

Sesshoumaru was angry.

Not a little angry. Murderous.

Everyone abandoned him except Rin and Jaken when Mokomama went into labor and started birthing dozens of little furry things. It was honestly the most disturbing and disgusting thing he had ever seen, and where was Mokomoko? Sesshoumaru carried the newborn Mokos in a wooden box to where Mokomoko's scent ended at the edge of the well.

So, there he was, watching the baby Mokos eat each other, which was actually a good thing, since there were about thirty-five of the thumb-length furballs. They were everywhere, now that they had eaten a hole in the box, and then eaten the box itself also. Sesshoumaru had baby Mokos in his hair, in his clothes, crawling inside of his armor, and one that kept trying to burrow into his left ear.

And yes, they _did_ bite.

To make matters worse, Mokomama was feeling so maternal, and kept hugging him and clinging to him for support during the birth. Some of that mess got on him, and he ended up burning some of his clothing. Even now, she kept hugging him tightly.

Suddenly, Mokomoko sprang from the well and slithered so fast to Sesshoumaru's head that Sesshoumaru thought for a moment that it was flying. Mokomoko wrapped around his head for protection, and while Sesshoumaru was trying to pry it off of his face, a jolt of electricity coursed through his body.

Kagome pounded the remote control for that shock collar while she climbed out of the well. She said nothing, but kept clicking.

Sesshoumaru, blinded by Mokomoko, tripped and fell, and then convulsed when Kagome held the button down. The taiyoukai had no idea what was going on, but it was as if Mokomoko was electrocuting him and he was NOT happy.

All around him, baby Mokos fell to the ground, convulsing and seizing. The fact that Mokomoko's bizarre and apparently new attack might eliminate some of its offspring was the only comfort Sesshoumaru felt as he jerked again.

Kagome pulled herself up over the well, and took her thumb off of the remote control when she saw Sesshoumaru flailing around on the ground with Mokomoko around his face, and little tiny white things all around, suffering.

If she didn't know Mokomoko, she would have charged forward and started squealing about how cute they were. Instead, she sat down on the rock where Sesshoumaru was before Mokomoko assaulted him and frowned.

Mokomama went to Mokomoko and chewed the shock collar off, and it fell on the ground between them as Mokomoko surveyed the large litter.

Sesshoumaru stood up and sat down next to Kagome, looking decidedly downtrodden. "Thirty-five."

"That's a lot," Kagome answered.

The little Mokos followed their parents, who carefully corralled them into a little pile of fluffy doom.

"My mom did it with Mokomoko," Kagome numbly said. "You should have seen the look in her eyes. It was like she didn't care that he wasn't even a man. I need therapy. My mom is practically one of those people that keeps the tentacle porn industry alive."

Sesshoumaru shivered in disgust at the idea that his father, in a strange way, did Kagome's mother. The bit about tentacles also grossed him out, although he did not know what 'porn' was.

The two fell forward when Mokomama suddenly laid a blow on Mokomoko. Sesshoumaru caught Kagome and shielded her as Mokomama began to fight with Mokomoko. Baby Mokos were flying everywhere while she hurled them at her fluffy ex-lover.

"She is throwing her own babies!" Kagome screamed.

"Mother has done worse," he answered as he pulled Kagome to her feet and they backed away from the warring Mokos.

Kagome watched them, and saw Mokomama throw the babies at Mokomoko, who did his best to cushion them from being hurt. He was crawling low on his belly, apologetically, but Mokomama would have none of that. She wrapped around Mokomoko, and swung him, with the babies holding onto him, into a tree.

Sesshoumaru sighed sadly when Mokomama started slamming Mokomoko's head into the ground. "This is where they part ways, and irritate their offspring for the rest of eternity."

Mokomama surged forward to the well, abandoning her babies to predators as her mind fixed on vengeance. Mokomoko followed her, knowing what would happen. And Kagome followed Mokomoko, yelling at the fur for involving his mother.

Out of what was obviously expired obligation, Sesshoumaru stopped, took off his haori, and slowly gathered up the tiny furballs. Why was it that everyone thought he was such a bad sibling? Sure, he tried to kill Inuyasha, but he never actually did it, right? He tied the haori in a knot, and left it there. With any luck, a predator would come along and eat every last furball.

Sesshoumaru suppressed the smells and noises on Kagome's side of the well when he jumped through it, knowing if his mother killed Kagome's because his Mokomoko molested her mother, his chances of laying the priestess went down to zilch.

He went through the sliding glass door - literally - and saw Mokomoko slithering by fast, chased by Mokomama. Mokomama had a frying pan in her grasp, and was chasing her mate through the house. When she brought it down, Mokomoko held up a chair, which shattered under the force of Mokomama's blow.

Kagome's mother came down the stairs holding a tennis racket.

"Mama?" Kagome asked.

Mrs. Higurashi gripped the racket harder. "You didn't tell me you were already with someone, Dear!"

Mokomoko stuck his head up to face her, and was only able to dodge Mrs. Higurashi's swing by suddenly pulling Sesshoumaru in front of him.

The tennis racket smashed into Sesshoumaru's face, leaving waffle-print shame behind.

Sesshoumaru stepped aside, and watched as Kagome's mother attacked his mother and his father at the same time with the racket, beating the Mokos down to the ground.

"I am not the other...woman?" Mrs. Higurashi said as she brought another blow down on Mokomoko's head. "You can take your cheap little furball and get the hell out of my house, Mister! And you!" she swatted Mokomama. "How dare you come into my house, you little hussy?"

Kagome sat on the stairs, and Sesshoumaru sat beside her.

"I'm so embarrassed," Kagome said as she leaned melodramatically against his arm.

Sesshoumaru responded by wrapping the arm around her and resting his head on hers. They watched Kagome's mom wail on the Mokos, and then push them outside with her broom and shut the back door.

Mrs. Higurashi put the racket away, ignoring the waffle-print on Sesshoumaru's face, and clapped her hands together with a smile. "Who wants some ice cream? Oh, Kagome, you should put your uniform in the wash while you're here again." She turned to Sesshoumaru and extended the offer to him. "Do you need to have anything washed?"

Just like that, Kagome saw her mom switch modes from crazy violent bitch to supermom, and it frightened her greatly. After a bowl of ice cream, she followed her mother to the washroom, and Sesshoumaru ignored their banter. Standing in the kitchen alone quickly bored Sesshoumaru, and he found himself staring at a box of Sugar0os, wondering if _all _demons were affected by them.

Somewhere down the hall, he could hear Kagome telling her mother how hot he was, and how much she liked him. He expected as much, and lazily poured some Sugar0os into his empty ice cream bowl. He consumed them with no milk, and noticed nothing at first.

Without warning, and just as Kagome and her mother reentered the kitchen, Sesshoumaru pitched a tent that was impossible for _anyone_ in the room to ignore.

Sesshoumaru looked down and frowned.

Kagome looked at the Sugar0os in the bowl and shook her head. "Why, Sesshoumaru? Why?!"

"I had to know," he answered.

"Do me a favor and stick your finger in those special little openings in the wall," Kagome said, pointing to an electric outlet.

Sesshoumaru scowled at her, because he could sense the energy there. "I think not. I have reached my daily quota of electrocution already, thank you."

Kagome's mother said, "I know just the thing."

The ice cubes in the pitched of ice water rattled a little when Mrs. Higurashi took it from the refrigerator. For a second, Sesshoumaru thought she was about to offer him a drink, and sat down, but Mrs. Higurashi just poured the cold ice water in his lap.

She patted Sesshoumaru on the cheek and said, "You keep that out of my daughter, understood?"

"I will put _that_ wherever I damn well please," Sesshoumaru hissed through his teeth.

"You will not!" Mrs. Higurashi said.

Amber eyes narrowed angrily, and the words just slipped out. "I will stick it in her, and she will like it."

Kagome and her mother both froze in shock for a few minutes, and Kagome's mother smiled gently. "Would you like some chocolate? Dogs love chocolate!" Mrs. Higurashi sweetly asked.

"They do. It's super good for dogs too," Kagome added.


	9. Shame 101

_**Shame 101**_

Kagome patted Sesshoumaru's forehead with a cool cloth. They were officially in hell now, and neither bothered trying to deny it. After the tennis racket incident, Mokomoko went back through the well to retrieve his newborn offspring and brought them back so he and Mokomama could watch over their ill son.

The taiyoukai's stomach was making terrible sounds, and he was soaked in sweat. If moving didn't want to make him vomit, he would have run as far away as possible, but in his current state, he was unable to escape.

Sesshoumaru was sprawled out on Kagome's bed, and the baby Mokos were crawling all over him and the room while his parents hugged and caressed him. He was feverish and nauseated, and the LAST thing he wanted was a hug.

Mokomama held his hair back when he lurched forward and puked in the plastic trash can again, and Mokomoko rubbed his back and shoulders, giving him unwanted comfort. Every now and then, the Mokos would look over at Kagome and shake their little heads in disappointment.

"When this is over miko, your ass is mine," Sesshoumaru rasped.

Kagome dabbed the cloth to clean up a bit of puke at the corner of his mouth. "Sure it is."

Honestly, Kagome hadn't known how sick it would make Sesshoumaru, or she wouldn't have tempted him into the whole bag of chocolate chips. He was hurting though, and she honestly felt a little guilty to have made him so sick.

Sesshoumaru rolled over to face the wall. "No more being a cocktease, Miko. That ass will be mine."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

The taiyoukai chuckled in his delirious state and said, "I loooove that ass. I will stick my cock in it, and you will enjoy it greatly."

Kagome deadpanned. "What? Did you just threaten to violate me....anally?"

"Do not be so uptight, Miko. You will like it," he assured her. "I will like it, even more."

Sesshoumaru's skull made a hollow sound when Mokomoko slammed a very thick book into it. The mystery behind his lack of children was evidently solved, and Mokomoko was pissed! Sesshoumaru didn't do anything right! The dumbest animals on the planet could figure out what went where, but not Sesshoumaru. And his son seemed so pleased to do it the wrong way!

Sesshoumaru rolled over on his back and stared at the ceiling. "Fear not, Mokomoko, none of the miko's holes shall be safe from Sesshoumaru the Conquistador, violating priestesses one orifice at a-"

"Am I interrupting something?" Mrs. Higurashi asked from the door.

Kagome nervously tried to push her mom out. "Nope! He's just a little delirious!"

Loud, slurred speech called form behind her, "I am going to fuck your daughter. I will not make her pregnant because she is a vile human, so do not worry."

Mrs. Higurashi looked around Kagome's room and sighed. There were little Mokos crawling all over everything, two long, furry Mokos, and a big scary demon, who was currently discussing his plans to show Kagome why it was called 'doggy-style.'

"You will not talk to my daughter that way!" Mrs. Higurashi said.

Sesshoumaru chuckled, "Silence, Deviant. We all know where Cocktease Kagome got her kinky side. At least I have all my limbs."

Mrs. Higurashi put her hands on her hips and said, "From what I've heard, that hasn't always been the case. If only Inuyasha had cut something else off!"

Sesshoumaru railed on, making confessions he would _greatly_ regret in mere hours. "...No more having shiny hair this Sesshoumaru is not permitted to touch...no more indecent little garments going _swishy swishy_ in the wind," he said. His voice rose an octave or two when he said 'swishy swishy,' which Kagome assumed was for emphasis. "No more...hot springs. The next time you bend over in front of me, Miko...mmmm...No more sneaking into camp to steal your undergarments...No more using them to-"

_Thunk!_

Sesshoumaru fell to the bed, unconscious, when Mokomama finally whopped him one good with the book. It was for his own good, because at that point, it wasn't even funny anymore.

Mrs. Higurashi gave her a half-hearted smile. "Thank you."

She turned to Kagome and very seriously said, "Tell me you're still taking birth control."

"Mom, some people shouldn't be allowed to procreate. Sesshoumaru is one of them. This family cannot be allowed to continue for another generation. It must be stopped!" Kagome said.

Mrs. Higurashi just shook her head. "Anyway, have you seen Buyo? I haven't seen him in hours, and it's not like him to miss dinnertime."

Kagome looked over to the Moko's, who were doing their best to not look suspicious, which was completely ridiculous because nothing was more conspicuous than being a limbless, evil fluffy from beyond the grave. "Nope? I haven't seen him anywhere."

As soon as the door closed again, Mrs. Higurashi heard a bunch of banging and things breaking.

XXX

When Sesshoumaru emerged from sleep a few hours later, there was a very strange-smelling cat sitting on his chest, purring away. There was also a great deal of broken furniture, blood, and various other bodily fluids spread about. The window was broken, and there wasn't a single Moko in the room. He prayed they escaped into Kagome's time and he would no longer have to deal with them.

He went into Kagome's bathroom, helped himself to her mouthwash, and went downstairs, prepared to go home, only to find the entire house had been demolished.

Kagome and her mother were sitting on the floor in the living room, panting and out of breath, and in the center of the room, the Mokomoko and Mokomama were tied into a giant pretzel knot. Mokomoko sported a bald spot with a fresh surgical cut, and Kagome's lip was busted.

"Your dad ate my cat! Alive and whole!" Kagome shrieked.

Sesshoumaru felt blame shifting his direction and immediately deflected to Mrs. Higurashi. "Your lover ate your daughter's cat. Shame on you."

For some reason, Kagome just started laughing. It wasn't the good kind of laugh, like something funny happened or there was happiness afoot. No, she laughed like she was letting go of the last shred of her sanity.

"Is something funny?" he asked.

Kagome stood up, and held the ice pack to her lip. "Yeah, you saying anything about shame is funny."

The taiyoukai drew a blank on the events of the evening, and stared at her angrily. "Are you insulting me?"

"No, Conquistador. I would never," she said.

And then it hit him.

"Well fuck," he whispered.

Kagome just laughed harder and said, "Not even in your dreams, Panty Bandit."


	10. Meet Mokofred

**_Meet Mokofred_**

And then there was one.

Sesshoumaru and Kagome had been searching the shrine grounds all afternoon, looking for the baby Mokos. According to Sesshoumaru though, the scents ended in minor bloodspots, because some sort of predator was eating them. They were cannibalizing, so Sesshoumaru theorized that it was possible the strong ones had emerged and were killing off the weak ones, but he didn't expect to find a sole survivor.

The Moko was almost as long as Sesshoumaru's arm and very fat in the middle from sibling ingestion.

"Are you the last one?" Sesshoumaru asked.

The Moko burped and nodded its head.

"Impressive," Sesshoumaru said.

He slung the Moko over his shoulder and walked into the house, where Mokomoko and Mokomama were still stuck together, thanks to expert knotting.

After he dragged the knotted mess of fur to the well, he gave Mrs. Higurashi a bag of gold coins to compensate for the damage done to the home, and stuffed the three Mokos down the well. He passed through the well, and Kagome followed, happy when they were finally in the big, open wilderness of the Sengoku Jidai.

Kagome glanced at the surviving Moko and asked, "What are you going to name it? How about Mokofred?"

"Whatever," Sesshoumaru said as he started to walk away.

Kagome ran after him. "Hey! Aren't we going to talk?"

Sesshoumaru arched his brows curiously. Did that mean it was still possible that he would be permitted to rut with her? And if so, how did he get there? His father spoke often of how to impress girls before he died, but never explained what a man was supposed to tell a woman after discussing how he would sodomize her in front of her mother.

Were her holes still conquerable?

He threw the bag off her shoulders and pulled her body flush against his armor. "I want you, Miko."

"Yeah, Mr. Conquistador, I got that. I actually just wanted my underwear back," she said.

Sesshoumaru's hand slid up her thigh to lightly squeeze her ass, bunching the skirt up as it moved upward. "I warned you. You poisoned this Sesshoumaru, and now you will pay." He lifted her up by the ass, and felt her legs wrap around him. "You know you want it. You tease me...taunt me."

He moved in for a kiss, but Kagome pursed her lips.

"What?" he desperately growled.

Kagome put her hands on his face, and forced it to turn left, where all three of the Mokos were watching.

Sesshoumaru grimaced, put her down, untied them, and gestured for them to get the hell away from them. "Beat it, Furballs."

Mokomoko goaded them out of view, and saw Sesshoumaru walk over and pin Kagome against a tree. It was unexpected, but Mokomoko was _quite_ pleased by this development. There was only one little complication, and he returned while Sesshoumaru and Kagome engaged in awkward foreplay.

The furball slung itself over Kagome's backpack, and extracted the little packet of pills. It took off quickly, disappearing into the trees with Mokomama and Mokofred behind him. He had so little time to work, because Kagome would know something was amiss if her pills went missing.

XXX

Kagome collapsed on the ground, panting.

Her cherry was popped, but there was no orgasm to show for it. Her muscles were tired, she was annoyed, and Sesshoumaru kept howling.

The Conquistador wasn't sure what went wrong. One minute, he was inside of his sweet little miko, but he slipped out, and when he thrust back in, something went wrong. So, so wrong. His cock stuck in a hollow of the tree, and there was pain and swelling. Now, he couldn't get his cock out of the tree, and everything he did just hurt worse.

Kagome combed her hand through his hair. "Maybe we should get Inuyasha. He's a lot stronger."

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes and slammed his head against the tree. Inuyasha was the _last_ person he wanted to see. The teasing would never end if Inuyasha had to help him get his penis out of a tree. "No. There must be a way," he growled.

"It's been four hours, Sesshoumaru. Haven't you ever seen Viagra commercials? If you have an erection lasting four hours, you're supposed to go to a hospital, not stand here like an idiot with your wang stuck in a tree trunk," she answered.

The taiyoukai was worried that if he just destroyed the tree, he might lose his little friend.

"Maybe Inuyasha could cut-"

Sesshoumaru quickly barked, "NO."

Kagome crossed her arms. "He's very good with his sword, you know."

"Not that it has ever been used to sever things from my person," he answered.

Kagome finally said, "Why don't you just cum so you get soft again?"

Sesshoumaru looked like he was about to cry. Yes, it would free his penis from the tree, but his ego would never recover. As he was contemplating this, he sensed his brother approaching and quickly decided that nothing, absolutely nothing, would be worse than Inuyasha seeing him like that.

Kagome was almost impressed with how hard he humped that tree, and he came in seconds with a roar.

Amber eyes snapped shut. _Think unsexy thoughts. Go soft soon. Please, please go flaccid._

Sesshoumaru ripped his softening member from the tree as Inuyasha approached, and pulled up his hakama just as he realized Inuyasha turned back toward the village and wasn't even going to get near them.

Three wet baby squirrels ran from the hole, frightened by the liquid that now coated them.

With a whine, Sesshoumaru fell to his knees and uttered one word.

"Splinters."


	11. Ready, Aim, Miss?

_Ready, Aim, Miss?_

Kagome's mouth was SOOOO close to the head of his cock that Sesshoumaru couldn't stop his cock from getting hard, or throbbing right in her face. The miko sighed in annoyance and gripped it, causing him to groan. His eyes closed, because if felt good, but then he heard the soft sound those tweezers made when they clamped down, and prepared for the pain.

This was not how it was supposed to be.

All of her life, Kagome had all these fantasies about sex. Yes, the frantic, lusty fuck against the tree appealed to her, but only until Sesshoumaru got his dick stuck in the tree trunk and came on those poor squirrels, who she now suspected were blinded by having his cum sprayed on them. They were running around running into things, making frightened noises.

Instead of collapsing onto the ground with him after an orgasm, she was crouching on the ground, digging splinters out of his cock.

"Stop moving!" she complained when it twitched again.

"It moves on its own. Don't squeeze it so hard," he growled.

The miko groaned in irritation. "I have to squeeze it hard because it keeps moving!"

"It is moving because you are squeezing it!" he answered in exasperation.

Silently, Mokomoko placed the bewitched birth control pills back in Kagome's bag. Whatever modern medicine could do was nothing compared to what medieval witches could. Kagome would know that when she was fat with pup, which would happen whether she wanted it or not. Grandpups would be his!

Mokomoko poked around the tree just in time to see Kagome pull the final, worst splinter from Sesshoumaru's penis. The taiyoukai howled, and started to cum right in Kagome's face.

The miko closed her eyes as a spurt of semen hit her right on the eyelid, and grumbled, "Thank you, Sesshoumaru."

Mokomoko slithered right to them, unsure of what happened. Sesshoumaru barely pulled up his hakama when Mokomoko appeared, looking around curiously, and sniffing.

There was semen in the tree, semen on the little blind squirrels, and semen on Kagome's face, but none in the one place it belonged. Mokomoko made a sound that most closely resembled a growl, and wrapped itself around a thick tree branch right above Sesshoumaru. Then, it extended down, wrapped around Sesshoumaru's neck, and yanked him upward to bang his head on the branch.

Kagome was too busy trying to get all the cum off her face, fearing blindness if any of it came in contact with her eyes to notice Sesshoumaru's body flailing around as Mokomoko whomped his head over and over.

Thanks to the wind, Mokomoko realized Kagome wasn't wearing any panties when she went to her bag and retrieved the hand sanitizer from it. When she returned to them, with the bag, Mokomoko let Sesshoumaru down. How could the boy have failed? The prize was right there, uncovered!

The taiyoukai curled up at the base of the tree, pulled his knees up, and rested his head on them. "Leave me alone, please."

The blind squirrels ran in a circle around them, and Mokomoko swooped down. In one fell swoop, and with a mighty _chomp, _the little creatures disappeared.

XXX

Miroku was sweating, eyes darting around suspiciously.

He tried to ignore it, but he was made painfully aware of the fact that Mokomoko was stalking him everytime it dragged the cleaver over a rock. Unlike the other times, the fluff made no move to terminate his existence. It just followed now, and that was far more frightening.

The monk felt it was safest to be with the children. Mokomoko surely wouldn't do anything gory to him in front of the little ones. At least, Miroku hoped it wouldn't. When he found Shippou and Rin, they were coloring pages with Mokofred. Seeing the newest Moko gave the monk an idea.

"Mokomoko, can you draw or write? Perhaps you could use these crayons to communicate with me," Miroku said.

Mokomoko nodded its head.

The furball curled itself up around its work, so Miroku could not see, but he was encouraged as Mokomoko worked. First, it used the brown crayon for a few seconds, and then it used the purple crayon for a little longer. This comforted Miroku, because those were the colors of his hair and robes. When Mokomoko snatched the red crayon and started coloring frantically, Miroku was much less encouraged. Other crayons were used, black and pink.

Mokomoko saw how Rin folded the paper drew a big heart, and then signed inside the heart, "To: Sesshoumaru-sama, From: Rin." After it did the same, it handed the paper to Miroku.

Miroku saw the heart and said, "Well, thank you very much, Mokomoko. To: YOU ARE DEAD, From: YOUR KILLER, how nice..." He unfolded the paper and saw a crude drawing of his head lying beside his body, surrounded in a pool of blood that came from the blood spurting out of his neck like a fountain. In the background, a stick figure in red and another with a huge boomerang were holding hands. There were lots of little stick figures beside them. Like, a dozen.

"You want be dead so that Inuyasha can be with Sango?" he asked.

Mokomoko eagerly nodded its head. Finally! The monk understood.

Miroku sighed and said, "Mokomoko, I think you misunderstand Inuyasha."

Mokomoko took a piece of paper and drew a question mark on it.

Shippou rudely interrupted and said, "He's a fag."

That wasn't what Miroku was going to say, and he was sure it wasn't true. It was just Shippou's way of getting back at Inuyasha for eating all his Pocky, but it DID get him out of trouble. Perhaps it wasn't the most monkly thing to do, but he was tired of waking up in the middle of the night and wondering if Mokomoko was watching him.

The kit went on, "He's all over Kouga the Wolf."

Mokomoko thought about it for a moment, and it made sense. What kind of man runs around with hot women like Kagome and Sango and never makes a move? Someone not interested in women, that's who. And if the males of their pack were saying it, it was probably true.

The furball slithered off into the woods, contemplating his next move. What about the penis + pussy math confused his sons so? Inuyasha couldn't even get his aimed at the right gender and Sesshoumaru managed that much, but ended up ejaculating everywhere except the target.

Being a meddling Moko was hard work.


	12. Yum Mokomoko

_Yum! Mokomoko!_

Kouga was humming while he bathed under the waterfall near the wolves' den when he felt something in the water. At first, he thought it might be a fish, and he liked fish. He reached down, and grasped the strange object. It was like a wet, furry eel, and when he pulled it up to his face, the wet fur fell back to reveal Mokomoko's most angry face.

Mokomoko's tail slung up out of the water, and Kouga dodged the cleaver as it swung his way.

"Okay, definitely not a fish. But probably still edible," Kouga said as he kicked Mokomoko in the tail and heard the knife hit the rocks several meters away. "Hey guys! Get down here!"

Mokomoko tried to head butt Kouga, but the wolf was way too fast, even for Mokomoko. The wolf zipped around and disentangled Mokomoko from Ginta and Hakkaku, and while Mokomoko was still trying to figure out with to do next, Ginta and Hakkaku pulled the furry appendage until it had no slack at all.

Mokomoko couldn't move.

Kouga delivered one, hard kick to Mokomoko, and everything went black.

When Mokomoko woke up again, it was trapped in a cage for small game, and no matter how hard it tried, it couldn't fit either of its ends through the bars.

Kouga licked his lips and looked over at Mokomoko. "I think what we should do is skin it, and get all that fur off. Then, we'll rub it with salt, and chop it up into segments and roast it. Ginta, kill it and skin it. Just, use a knife and kill it through the cage. We don't want it getting loose."

Mokomoko started to panic. It couldn't end like this!

A sole female walked into the den, holding her grossly swollen belly. Kouga kissed her, and patted the tummy. "Ayame, how are the pups?"

Mokomoko realized that the wolf was the father of the pups, and they were mated. Inuyasha into Kouga? Not even close. He had been lied to, and now he was trapped in a cage, waiting to be devoured by lesser canines.

Ayame walked over to the cage and bent down. "Oh, this is fluffy. What is it?"

"I dunno," Kouga answered.

Sensing its one chance for escape, Mokomoko made its cutest face and pressed it up against the bars of the cage. Ayame 'awwed,' and patted him through the bars, and Mokomoko knew the cute little wolf was going to order its release. Being cute and furry DID have its benefits.

Ayame giggled. "It looks delicious! Are you guys going to skin it? I'm kind of craving chicken skin, and I know it's not a chicken but..." she gave her best puppy eyes to Kouga.

XXX

Sesshoumaru wasn't pleased by the fact that Mokomoko strayed so far. He had to cut his session with the miko short to retrieve his fluff. That morning, he made right on the debt Kagome felt he owed her, and then some. She told him that he owed her two orgasms, and he couldn't let a slight against his manhood go on.

After all, Sesshoumaru went down like a proper gentleman. It was very gratifying, and helped restore his self-confidence after many mishaps over the past couple of weeks.

When Sesshoumaru entered the wolf's den, an unconscious Mokomoko was stretched across Kouga's lap, and three males were working to shave it. At that point, Mokomoko was halfway shaven, from its head down to the middle of its body.

It looked horrific, like a giant flesh-colored snake with the face of a rabbit.

Kouga looked up and stood respectfully. "Lord Sesshoumaru! What brings you to these parts?"

The wolf noticed that the pelt on Sesshoumaru's shoulder was missing, which was odd, because Sesshoumaru always had it with him. And then it dawned on him that his dinner looked a lot like what he usually wore.

Sesshoumaru picked up the unconscious Mokomoko and slung it over his shoulder. "I'll just be taking this."

The red-headed pregnant wolf stomped in. "That's our dinner. I've smelled that all afternoon, are you just going to let him take it, Kouga? Be a man!" she said, shoving Kouga toward Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru stood there for a moment, knowing it would serve Mokomoko right to let the fat red-haired one devour him, but it was still a matter of pride. Or at least, he thought it would be. Sun Tzu didn't exactly write a chapter on what should happen when one's personal accessories strayed into enemy territory.

He shrugged off Mokomoko when Kouga took a swipe, and the two males leapt from the den. It would dishonor both of them if they battled in front of Kouga's mate. What he didn't think about was the fact that his unconscious Mokomoko was at Ayame's mercy, and while he and Kouga scrapped, she chomped down on Mokomoko.

The fight outside didn't last long, because Kouga wasn't even in the same class as Sesshoumaru, but when Sesshoumaru returned to claim his 'prize,' he found Ayame chewing on the bald section of Mokomoko.

Sesshoumaru sighed, took Mokomoko, and headed back to camp, where Kagome cleaned and dressed the wound.

Mokomoko stirred awhile later, surprised to be alive. It was cold from being shaved, and it had been nibbled on, but it was safe and resting beside the fire.

"I hope you've learned your lesson, Mokomoko," Kagome said.

Mokofred curled against Mokomoko, and Mokomoko realized that Mokomama had abandoned him to raise the offspring...again.

Sesshoumaru licked melted marshmallow off his fingers, and stuck another one over the fire. "What in seven hells were you at the wolf den?"

Miroku and Shippou suddenly looked at each other in panic. Mokomoko had been captured, shaved, and nearly eaten because of their little white lie? Miroku knew that he was in danger before, now Mokomoko would surely kill him.

The monk looked over at Mokomoko, and found the ex-furball staring right into him when Sesshoumaru briefly noted that Kouga was mated and said the mate was pregnant.

Mokomoko felt extremely depressed, not only because of the shaving and imprisonment, but because his beloved cleaver was there, below the den. It stared at the monk and the kit. They would retrieve his weapon at _all_ costs.


	13. Might Possibly

_Might Possibly?_

Sesshoumaru hated modern clothing. If wearing them and accompanying Kagome to do things in her world didn't end with them having crazy amounts of sex on Kagome's little pink bed, he would refuse to wear them. As it stood though, he would gladly suffer nearly any indignity to be able to spend the night with her in a warm bed far removed from the meddling furballs and the other issues of the Sengoku Jidai.

She said she had to come back for a test, and that he needed to be there for this one. Sesshoumaru wasn't sure what that meant, because the tests she normally took were dispensed by sensei at school. As he browsed the grocery aisles, he wondered what it would be like to be able to just stop and buy a test there. The idea of a 'sword upgrade' aisle nearly made him drool, but that all that ended when he spotted a man staring through boxes of rice at his female.

The taiyoukai walked one aisle down, where Houjou was standing.

Now, Sesshoumaru wasn't so enraged that his eyes bled red, or his stripes swelled. He just thought it would be really funny to watch the little human react to his more demonic visage. For extra dramatic effect, he partially transformed, so he was a little bigger than normal, and his teeth were huge and quite disproportionate to his body.

"Boy," he threateningly said.

Houjou spun, took one look at Sesshoumaru, and passed out. Sesshoumaru expected him to at least buckle at the knees first, or scream like a girl. He decided that when Houjou woke up, he would be slightly less scary.

He crouched down and slapped Houjou across the cheek.

Houjou's eyes opened and he glared into the eyes of the boy.

"Demon!" Houjou said.

The way he murmured it as yellow liquid soaked his pants brought Sesshoumaru great joy. And, now that he had properly humiliated the boy who ogled Kagome, he was done. He stood up, and walked to the end of the aisle, happy to explore the rest of the store.

When he passed the cereal aisle, a couple of employees were cleaning up a huge mess. From what they were saying, something broke into the store overnight and did nothing other than pillage the Sugar0os. Sesshoumaru knew what happened, but if it kept Mokomoko away from them, he didn't care.

Sesshoumaru finally became bored and returned to Kagome's side. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and made a very rude movement with his hips. "I am ready to leave."

"Be quiet, I'm trying to decide!" she answered.

Curious about what she was trying to choose, he looked up and read the boxes in her hands.

_Pregnancy Test.  
Pregnancy Test.  
Pregnancy Test._

The urine-soaked Houjou appeared at the end of the aisle while the gears of Sesshoumaru's mind were very slowly and very begrudgingly turning.

"Kagome! That man you are with...you must leave him immediately!" Houjou said, fisting his hands.

Kagome looked up at him and asked, "Why?"

"He is no man! He is a demon, Kagome. They are real and they are amongst us!" he answered.

The miko blinked a few times, and answered, "Well, yeah. He doesn't look anything like a human."

"But!" Houjou started, until he read the boxes in her hands, and saw the youkai wrapped around her. "Nothing, Kagome."

He turned, and murmured very quietly, "I'm just going to go shoot myself in the head now..."

Kagome immediately felt embarrassed when she realized Houjou saw what she was trying to buy. "Let's just get them all and go."

She tried to move, but Sesshoumaru's body was as stiff as a statue. "Sesshoumaru?"

"Put them back. We do not need them," he finally said.

She nervously smiled, "Yes, we do."

Sesshoumaru took them out of the basket, melted them with his claws, and started to push it toward the checkout with great haste, so that she wouldn't have time to put another test in. He watched another checker for a second, and then started sliding items across the scanner at superhuman speed.

Kagome raced to the checkout, box in hand, and held it out just as the cashier was about to give the total. "This. Oh, and this," she said, reaching out for a candy bar.

Because he was the strongest one, Sesshoumaru carried all the bags except one, and Kagome didn't trust him with it. "We'll just do the test, and then we'll know."

They didn't speak for the rest of the trip. Even when they got home, Kagome took her sweet time putting the groceries away and then ate her candy bar as they stared at the test.

"I do not wish to know. I was under the impression that you were taking some strange medicine to prevent such an occurrence," he growled.

"I am!" Kagome barked.

He stared at her bag, wondering what the penalty for melting it would be. "I do not believe you."

She groaned and dug in her purse to produce the pull pack. "Birth control pills!"

When she held it up in front of Sesshoumaru's nose, he sniffed it and frowned.

"What?" she asked.

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes and answered, "They smell like magic and Mokomoko."

Kagome pursed her lips. "Do you remember when it ranted about grandpups?"

"Yes," he said.

She snatched the box and raced upstairs, with Sesshoumaru right behind her. The bathroom door slammed, and Sesshoumaru stood there in the cramped little bathroom with her. Kagome fumbled with the package in exasperation, and then offered it up to Sesshoumaru, who delicately sliced into the cardboard before returning it to her.

Sesshoumaru sat down with his back against the wall, and hugged his legs, because he felt so dizzy and nauseated he thought he might vomit. "Hurry..."

Kagome looked up from the folded up directions and screeched, "I am hurrying! Shut up!"

"How hard can it be? It's designed for human use," he criticized.

He winced when she slapped him on the leg. "I mean it! Be quiet! I'm trying to read the directions!"

Less than five seconds passed before Sesshoumaru said, "Let me do it, if you're too incompetent to read."

"Shut up!" she screamed.

Another five seconds passed, and Sesshoumaru snatched at the paper, ripping it to pieces with his claws. Kagome looked up from the ripped half of her paper and lunged at him, yelling about how stupid and impatient he was while he countered with arguments about how she was barely literate and a dumb human wench.

The door opened marginally, and Souta poked his head in. "Are you guys busy? I need to use the restroom."

"GET OUT!" Kagome and Sesshoumaru shouted in unison.

Souta was halfway down the hall when the door cracked open and Kagome said, "Souta, bring us tape!"

Souta didn't know what was going on in the bathroom, but he was sure it wasn't normal. Why would two people go in the bathroom at the same time and then fight and yell at each other? He honestly didn't want to know, but he did need to use the bathroom, so he found a roll of tape, hoping it would free up the restroom so he could use it.

Kagome barely opened the door to take it, and then spent five minutes taping the directions back together while Sesshoumaru sat on the floor, ignoring her. "I'm so breaking up with you if this is negative."

"You will not," he insisted. "We will modify our routine. I will spill my seed in your mouth instead of more dangerous orifices."

"Aren't you a romantic?" she sarcastically asked.

She took the cup and stared at Sesshoumaru. "Okay, first I pee in this, then we dip the stick in, and then we wait two minutes. So, leave, so I can do the first part."

One brow arched in question. "You will suck my cock, but are too shy to take a piss in front of me?"

Kagome sensed another argument, so she pulled down her pants and sat on the toilet. "I hate you."

"I hate you more," he answered.

After a minute passed, he asked, "Did you forget how?"

"No! I just can't do it with you watching me. It's so creepy! At least close your eyes!" she said.

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and looked away, moderately relived when he heard liquid hitting the cup. His relief faded when she held it out and told him to hold it while she finished. "Humans are disgusting."

"Demons who like to watch girls pee are disgusting," she countered.

Kagome dipped the test, and then held it up. "Two minutes."

Sesshoumaru was nearly hyperventilating next to her, and she wasn't doing much better. Kagome's heart felt like it was going to leap right out of her chest.

About forty-five seconds later, Sesshoumaru said, "Kagome, you are an insufferable, illiterate bitch that annoys and agitates me in more ways than I can name in the time remaining, but I think that I might possibly love you."

Kagome felt a little rage bubble up in her. "Well, Sesshoumaru, since we're talking about our feelings, I think you should know something. You're an uptight, arrogant prick that pisses me off and motivates me to anger in more ways than I can name in the time remaining, but I think I might possibly love you too."

Sesshoumaru adjusted himself and crossed his legs, and then pulled the miko into his lap.

When he held the test up, he placed his hand flat against her belly and said, "It could be worse."

"How?" Kagome numbly whispered.

Sesshoumaru whined and put his chin on her shoulder. "Just a figure of speech."


End file.
